The courage to carry
“To have a love that lasts forever, is to truly understand vows and commitment” (Eversley,2016)
In all of my forty six years of life I have waited for the commitment of true love. To really believe that there are people in this world who can cherish and care for another romantically has become a faded dream. A dream which has been archived into the fantasy part of my mental library.
The love stories of long marriages which are not abusive or filled with indiscretions seem ancient. The new lifestyle sets a pathway to divorces which have become their own academy awards on film. Acceptance of prenuptial agreements and exit clauses are now necessary when thinking of love – whether in a celebrity career or leading a nondescript livelihood.
To this end I did weep when I read from a friend and learned of his devotion, marriage and love for his wife. Let’s be real, and understand this is a true ongoing story of endurance, commitment, passion for each other, respect for family, and above all, the truest meaning of ‘for better or worse, till death us do part’.
It is easy to find someone to say ‘I do’ and it’s a lot easier to get to, ‘I did not sign up for this’ in the world today. So I have gone to the other end of the earth and now know (by divine intervention I’m convinced) a couple who found the meaning of vows and commitment with adversity. Their strength and likely lowest points of frustration have forced me to face the truth – there can be real romantic love in this world. The ability to live in this powerful place rests solely on the ones who can mean ‘I do.’
Is a love like this possible now? Yes I believe it is.
Marriage is much more than two people saying ‘I Love You’ to each other, with all the decorations, pump and ceremony, and an ‘I Do’ at the end. It takes a capacity to see beyond the niceties of passionate all-consuming emotions, to the truth. The truth can be an unpredictable life, with curve-balls and adversities unknown.
What is “For better or worse”? Can you see worse when you look into the eyes of your partner as you exchange vows and hearts? Can you see an accident suddenly happening and physical intimacy no longer possible? Can you see a deadly illness taking over, filling the space of time with more pain than joy? Can you see infidelity, ridicule and shame? Can you see barrenness, an inability to procreate?
What is worse – what will cause you to break those vows to seek physical satisfaction – hurting your beloved?
I’m talking about a life of love. A life filled with passion, children, illness, adversity and happiness. This love is about a man and woman, exchanging vows, and feelings which are beyond the surface. I’m talking about the courage to endure and to take that commitment and say – “Yes, I do”. I know a couple with a love like this. A love which defies the odds, and defines courage, commitment and a capacity to endure - for love.
There is that love. It is possible to find people with the capacity to love like that.
This is what we should celebrate as love - every single day if we are people who have the capacity to endure and honor our love.
Take it up more than a notch. Have the courage and capacity to make that commitment, and honor each other. Have enough love, to be kind, committed and live in truth. Vows are not made to be broken on a whim and fancy.
Finally, have the capacity to find the courage to make your love last.
Dedicated to M&SC.. a love which lasts.
Happy Valentine's Day to all.