Sunday, 20 August 2017

Aging and not wasting time, talents and thankfulness


After seeing gray hairs, I'm thinking!

I'm aging. We all are. From the time of our birth we are aging to the point of death. That's the reality of life.

I looked at a recent photograph of me and I'm amazed...yes. God sure understands creation and is a creative inventor. Everyone has a talent and its important to discover your unique talent and grow with it.

There are days I think that God broke the beautiful mold he had for me and then I look around and see so many beautiful people I think maybe he has one (1) m...old. It makes a lot of sense if we are "in his image and likeness" that our creator has a mold for the human race and the stuff on the outside is to help us - not him- recognize each other. Thus if we pursue hating others we are in fact hating ourselves and our creator.

Our beauty is in our uniqueness and not in the shade of our skin or our religious and social beliefs.
I'm not a philosopher or a preacher. I'm not a theology or religious graduate. I am a lover of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and I am human. If you cut me, blood will run from my veins and I will feel pain. I can cry, laugh, dance and sing, and I do pray that I can forgive and love those I interact with if we disagree or fall out.

I am aging, and you my friend are aging with me. We are another moment older right now. When world leaders shout words of hate we should let our voices raise with words of love. Do not hate the hater soo much you become like him. We have limited time here of earth to discover and develop our talents... so get going.

Remember, if you can look at someone and see yourself, it should be harder to promote the hatred around. Use wisdom, and remember not everyone will see as you do.
Don't hate the player hate the game and the way they decide to play their game!

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© Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2017. All Rights Reserved

Saturday, 19 August 2017

Dealing with Personal Irrelevant Biases


Family Life

Today it dawned on me how uncomfortable it can be loving people. Actually, its more about loving those members of my family whom I love and desire to share some happy moments with. My eldest son advised that "our family is the new normal, so your ideas of normal are outdated." He is right.

In the movies we are presented with different types of families and situations which appeal to our senses. These images do impact on our perception of truth and can influence our expectations. I like looking at happy movies, and find it difficult to watch the uncomfortable stories. The horror dramas like 'Fatal Attraction', and 'Homeland' and many others, are based on some real stories that disturb and shake our emotions.

Life is not an ideal perfect. Yet we expect perfection from our family members and can hold them to unreasonable expectations. My mother and father divorced at an early age and I grew up in a single parent household. Instead of appreciating and seeing the strengths in my mother, I became resentful over time. Always wanting to not be in a similar situation. Mental illness was a battle my mother fought, and was able to rise above long enough for us to be able to handle life on our own. To this day she still struggles with it.

Having discovered that life is not neatly configured like a set of jigsaw pieces neatly fitting in place, but rather lots of broken pieces which won't fit into any set pattern, I can appreciate my mother more now.

Life can come full circle  to teach us lessons of humility, forgiveness and love. Having thought I failed as a parent to give 'my children my idea of the perfect family' my son corrected me on that score one day a few years ago.

" What are you talking about mom. Listen you have a strange idea of family and what's respectable. We have a normal family. Everyone doing what they do and being a part of this family makes our family. This is the new normal. Every family has illness, black sheep, boring folks and crazy ones, and its all a part of the drama of family. Get out of your head... we have a normal family!" These are the words as closely as I remember shared by my eldest son.

So yes. What I was taught as a traditional perfect family, never really was, now I think about it. I am so grateful for my family and my life.

I carried many biases, and beliefs of thoughts of perfection for many years and the truth is, we all get a chance to create and make the best relationships and family culture based on our own input. Traditions can become a heavy weight we do not need to hold onto. Create your own traditions and break away from biases which can be a 'self inflicted pain in the ...(you know what)!



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Thursday, 17 August 2017

Just Thinking Out Loud: It will all work out!


A momentary reflection

"Things have a way of working out..."

For many years I shared this sentiment with one of my sisters when life's challenges presented itself. It has become a profound and deep thought we both share to each other as uplifting advice when solutions are not easily seen.

There is a lot of truth within the 7 words and today I reminded myself of this. Whatever you start to do will be completed. Even if the completion is not as planned or happens when you are ready, an end takes p...lace. For an easy example let me share;

" I visited the hairdresser and wished for red/burgundy hair and I have that color. I also did not want the color to seep onto my clothes. Well it did seep onto my clothes for a few weeks and its still seeping much less. She advised of this happening and I went ahead knowing the possible outcome, but decided it was worth it. Today I am no longer fussing about the red temporary stain on my pillow, its easy to wash off!"

So I got my hair color and a 'mindset change' and it worked out because time has worked on me and my ability to live with my hair choices.

In our lives we do things and make choices many times without experience. Sometimes the unexpected happens, and maybe we don't have the answers and we're not prepared, but at some point we must move from where we are 'in our mind' to where reality takes us. That my friends is when, "things have a way of working out"!

So relax and face each moment of each day knowing that time is the advantage of no one and everyone!

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Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Musings of a mother-in-law to be - Break it to me gently!


“Mom, I’m getting married at the end of next month!”

That’s how my beloved first child, my son, told me of his upcoming nuptials. He did not sit me down and give me some tea, or even a glass of water. No way, he just ‘dropped it like it was hot’. It was decisive and a done deal.

Us mums are not to be mistaken for the flowers called ‘mums’, sitting calmly and nicely waiting to be watered to bloom. We bloom within chaos and calm! I was stunned. It should have been expected but I guess there was that illusion of innocence allowed to cloud my vision. We know our babies will become men and women and leave us. In my case, I’ve been hoping I can leave them in like manner before they do the wedding march.


Mum and son conversation

“Son I really want to get married. Was waiting for you guys to grow up, but can’t seem to meet anyone. Maybe its too late, am I too old?”

Son looks up in the air and then at mum, “ well I guess you won’t meet anyone within this house so you need to go where you will meet people!” Gives his mum a ‘duh’ look of amazement!
I get it. As a single parent my focus has been on finances, children, and a thousand other things. Eventually they do grow up and walk in the direction of their choices. I get it. This is how life is supposed to be. So why does it feel like somehow an earthquake just shook my house?
Life of three turned 2 a few years ago, for a while. I recall another conversation with my eldest son.

Son, I don’t see much of your brother anymore. He is always either by his girlfriend or work or out. He doesn’t even eat home much. Maybe its time to talk to him about the birds and the bees?

Son looks at mum incredulously, then responds “he is over 21, and has moved in with his girlfriend over 6 months mum. Didn’t you notice he was gone when he left with his computer?”

Mum responds, “ know he likes to ‘play game’ on his computer and thought he just took it to her place to ‘play game’. Thought that’s what they were doing.

Son looks at mum in total amazement and says, “ so you really think your son, my brother , is visiting his girlfriend and ‘playing game’ all the time for the last 6 months? Don’t worry about that ‘birds and bees talk’, think he figured it out a long time ago!”

Life is really about the birds

Okay, I get it. Maybe I’m not the thinking clearly with my children, but the years pass so fast and suddenly they are adults. Us mums are great with change, we have to be to survive the growing pains of our lives and that of our children. Now, the nest looks empty with no more eggs to hatch. What can the birds teach us human mums?


The mummy birds are good with teaching their kids to fly and moving on. They hang around until their babies’ wings are developed and sometimes push them out of the nest. The young ones are suddenly mid-air and have little choice but to flap their wings frantically calling for help. As they do that, they realize they don’t need help because they are flying. The mummy birds are usually close-by to help, but don’t step in. They know for survival in this world, everyone needs to fly!

My big question to me is, “why didn’t he break it to me gently?” and responding to myself the answer, “he’s been dating for over four years the same chick… duh!”
Its almost time for some readjustment, and soon it will be my time to fly alone. Only one more bird in the nest and that one is begging to fly at 20!


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© Donna-Luisa Eversley and D-WORDSLAYER, 2017. All Rights Reserved