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Dealing with Personal Irrelevant Biases


Family Life

Today it dawned on me how uncomfortable it can be loving people. Actually, its more about loving those members of my family whom I love and desire to share some happy moments with. My eldest son advised that "our family is the new normal, so your ideas of normal are outdated." He is right.

In the movies we are presented with different types of families and situations which appeal to our senses. These images do impact on our perception of truth and can influence our expectations. I like looking at happy movies, and find it difficult to watch the uncomfortable stories. The horror dramas like 'Fatal Attraction', and 'Homeland' and many others, are based on some real stories that disturb and shake our emotions.

Life is not an ideal perfect. Yet we expect perfection from our family members and can hold them to unreasonable expectations. My mother and father divorced at an early age and I grew up in a single parent household. Instead of appreciating and seeing the strengths in my mother, I became resentful over time. Always wanting to not be in a similar situation. Mental illness was a battle my mother fought, and was able to rise above long enough for us to be able to handle life on our own. To this day she still struggles with it.

Having discovered that life is not neatly configured like a set of jigsaw pieces neatly fitting in place, but rather lots of broken pieces which won't fit into any set pattern, I can appreciate my mother more now.

Life can come full circle  to teach us lessons of humility, forgiveness and love. Having thought I failed as a parent to give 'my children my idea of the perfect family' my son corrected me on that score one day a few years ago.

" What are you talking about mom. Listen you have a strange idea of family and what's respectable. We have a normal family. Everyone doing what they do and being a part of this family makes our family. This is the new normal. Every family has illness, black sheep, boring folks and crazy ones, and its all a part of the drama of family. Get out of your head... we have a normal family!" These are the words as closely as I remember shared by my eldest son.

So yes. What I was taught as a traditional perfect family, never really was, now I think about it. I am so grateful for my family and my life.

I carried many biases, and beliefs of thoughts of perfection for many years and the truth is, we all get a chance to create and make the best relationships and family culture based on our own input. Traditions can become a heavy weight we do not need to hold onto. Create your own traditions and break away from biases which can be a 'self inflicted pain in the ...(you know what)!



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Location: Trinidad and Tobago

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