D-WORDSLAYER

A culture of misinformation I did not know what mental illness really was until I was close to twenty. Before, I thought mental illness was something which resulted from a deficiency at birth and was genetic. This thought scared me as I grew up knowing my mother, grand mother and great grandmother were ‘mad’, as we were told from a tender age. My mother was the first of five children and my grandmother was one of more than five, and my great grandmother was also from a large family. No one told us about mental illness or what caused it or why it happened. I simply thought it was an unfortunate curse on at least one member of the family, and prayed to never 'get it'!  Some of the 'folklore facts' I grew up with were;   If you kept your problems to yourself you would ‘overload’ and go crazy. If you fell too much in love you would go crazy. If you had too many bills you would go crazy. If you had no friends you would go crazy. If you were too ‘bright’ in s...

A Frantic Call "Please help me. She just stood at the door with a knife in hand. I can't live with her anymore." Panic and fear sounded through the phone. Its 2:30 am. (After a lot of drama, she returned to house, as though that call was never made)! There was a lot of uncertainty when that call was received. Did it really happen, or was my mother  creating a situation because she did not get what she wanted from my elder sister? Was it a hallucination - it happens a lot more with her aging. Trying to figure out truth from fiction with mentally ill people can be hard.  In this case, it was a variation of the truth. My sister claims she thought someone was outside, and armed herself, while questioning mom about a scholarship she never received. As for my mother, she ran out of the house into the darkness afraid for her life, as my sister followed - afraid for her. Does this make sense? No it does not, but it happened just over a year ago.  According to Google, ...

You are invited to look closer My friends I'm sharing a series of blogs called "Open Book - Mental Illness" from tomorrow. It's a heavy topic but is a serious social issue in the Caribbean and the world.  There are many families with loved ones who have some form of mental illness. My friend  Lisa Fraser Gallagher  has shared on her personal experiences with mental illness and she is an excellent resource on this topic.  In my fam ily one of my sisters and my mother are mentally ill. Like any other disease if you are unaware of the symptoms, left untreated it gets worse. There is no cure for mental illness. It can be managed, however not many people are willing to accept their loved ones are mentally ill. In Trinidad & Tobago there is societal acceptance of mentally ill behavior once no one is physically hurt. Hence, we have many street dwellers and vagrants living a homeless life by choice because of their mental illness.  To offer help to ...

Family Life Today it dawned on me how uncomfortable it can be loving people. Actually, its more about loving those members of my family whom I love and desire to share some happy moments with. My eldest son advised that "our family is the new normal, so your ideas of normal are outdated." He is right. In the movies we are presented with different types of families and situations which appeal to our senses. These images do impact on our perception of truth and can influence our expectations. I like looking at happy movies, and find it difficult to watch the uncomfortable stories. The horror dramas like 'Fatal Attraction', and 'Homeland' and many others, are based on some real stories that disturb and shake our emotions. Life is not an ideal perfect. Yet we expect perfection from our family members and can hold them to unreasonable expectations. My mother and father divorced at an early age and I grew up in a single parent household. Instead of apprecia...

Hello to all my followers I've got another update which I hope you will enjoy! Its a compilation published on Thrive Global via Medium to April 2017! "It is only at the point of death a man discovers the value of life as it flashes before his eyes!" There is a lot going on right now in my life. Even with an empty nest there can be many things taking place which are time consuming and mentally & emotionally draining. Life is an ongoing process which only stops when we cease to exist - die. When someone passes away and we feel the pressure of the finality of life, a wave of sadness creeps up. Sadness for all the times you did not meet and all the things you never said or shared. The introspection can be a weight itself, or it can free us of the urgency of  being busy with the unimportant things. A man who receives news that is about to die in a few days, weeks or months, understands the value of what he leaves behind, so he changes. It is at that moment w...

A Resolute Beginning This year has begun and I have not shared a few posts and thoughts from this December 2016 just past. I have been thinking and was a bit engulfed with finishing the year as I started it - living! The new year's resolution for 2017 was easy - Be Healthy, Be Happy! There were days when the words to share would come rushing into my thoughts, yet my body would not follow through. Subconsciously, and eventually in awareness I have been resting. The rest was not the type which could be shaken by excitement, actions or movement. It was more like a meditative period of awareness and quiet. Everyone was busy. I was busy at home (5 mph !). Yet still, my pause on life helped me to find the 'yellow brick road' towards inner peace. I was able to see more. Feel more. Accept the physical pain on another level of tolerance. Finally I am able to be, simply be. Looking behind There is a lot to be learnt from challenges and pain. Yes, there is a lot of...

I still don't understand PTSD fully.  What I do understand is the feeling which sometimes creeps up. It makes the world seem different for a while. It can be like seeing reality in a different way. During awareness it can be hostile. It's easy to give up control if unaware or absent when time shifts. Breathing helps, and writing. Keeping calm and focused is not as easy as it can seem.  PTSD in absentia Breathe out..exhale Go slowly, wait Think less…pray more There is no freedom…in your sorrow Breathe in…wait Running fast will take you no where If you think, you can dream I want you to think, who you can be   Breathe in…exhale slow The world is not the one you know Let it out, the misery Breathe in…your life is free Moving fast will not take you there Go slowly, you have no fear   Breathe in..exhale slowly Let the rhythm feel your heartbeat moving Take all the time you need Don’t shoulder the world Just let it be  Breathe out, exh...